If I Could Only Explain

Can a Month Be an Increment of Distance?

2009-09-29T07:56:00.000-07:00

So the month of October will be my last in Iraq. So much can be going through my mind about what I can share with you but all I can focus on is my family. I mean I could talk about my growth and experience, which is a lot if I cared to share with you. But after everything, the losses, the gains, the disappointments and the encouragements, I find it shallow to try and come up with something that will genuinely portray it for you when there are so many out there who gave a lot more of themselves already doing that very thing and a lot more eloquently. I guess I can say I don't feel that sense of honor and pride that is described by others. I mean I feel honor and I feel pride but it feels so much more deeply personal. Maybe I am being selfish but I don't think so. The only thing that swells my chest and gets my heart in a mad dash is the idea of coming home to a family that wants to see me just as much as I want to see them if not more.

The strangest and most unexpected by-product of the deployment has been the growth of the love and appreciation I have for my wife. The saddest thing that I had to learn is that so many good soldiers suffer from loneliness or really terrible relationships. I count myself blessed to be able to say that I experienced neither through out this entire deployment. It's true that they say that deployments end a lot of marriages. It's a sad fact but almost everyone of them were never meant to make it in the long run anyway. Just the conditions of the deployment are obviously just the perfect storm to bring out all the things that these poor soldiers or their spouses had been keeping from each other or more importantly themselves. I guess that's why I feel like I can't portray appropriately how and the others may have changed. Like I said my own growth is still a little too personal, and to be honest still too vague for me to fully understand anyway, but I can comfortably generalize that not a single one of us didn't change from being over here. For good and bad. but despite all that my wife and I love each other more! How am I so lucky? I don't deserve it. But I know a gift when I see it and I don't need to check the teeth to know it's a good one ( if you aren't getting what I mean email me pogiabbott@gmail.com I'll break the gift horse analogy down for you:).

My luck extended to my relationship with my healthy, overly active children. They grew so much without me. That by far has been the most unendurable indignity as a father and a man to be asked to go through, second only to the break in my family had to be exposed to while I was in Kuwait not even two weeks after I had left them for the year. If you aren't familiar with the event you can read my wife's blog @ http://theabbottfam.blogspot.com/2008/11/thats-it-im-getting-myself-bat.html . But aside from that trial and all the others that my children went through without my guidance and protection they came out still loving me. Can't possibly expect to ask for more than that. They may need a little bit of "Daddy Toughness" but they are the greatest kids! I am proud.

This month will surely seem like a year to me for it to finish itself. May I endure it and keep all the stuff I guess you can say I "gained", some others might say I've "contracted". But I am still me. Despite all of it. That's the only thing that I'm sure of thus far. I still held to me beliefs and convictions. I can honestly say joining the military felt much like jumping into the cold lake at scout camp for our swim checks to make sure we wouldn't drown. At the first plunge I was panicked by the sudden, painful drop in temperature that all that I was able to accomplish in warm, non threatening environments, would actually become failures. But as I kept myself afloat and then stroking my way to the end of the goal I found the contrary. I held to the things my parents and my God taught me through the life I had taken for granted. I finished the swim check in scout camp, surprising myself. I finished this deployment, gratifying myself. I can't be so arrogant...I'm not done yet but I can't help it, it's much like "senior-itis" or being "trunky". But I think I earned it. Just like I earned the right to a warm towel at the end of the frigid swim across a small lake in the Uintahs to prove my worth as a swimmer and as a scout.

I believe in God. I believe in the military. I believe in soldiers. I may not believe in politicians but that's why I love and believe in this country. Few members of this race get the chance to speak against their leaders. We may not be exclusive in our right of speech and criticism of those that handle our government along with our other inalienable rights but we are still special... Lucky. I don't think I will ever get to take that for granted again.

Home Stretch

2009-08-04T22:35:00.000-07:00

So I have been away from home for nine months now and look back thinking "it's only been that effing long!" and "Wow how the time limps feebly along when you reside in hell." My belief that hell is more a state of mind in the here after has only be affirmed by my stay in Iraq. If hell was only flames and pitch forks well I already survived and surpassed all those punishments. The people I have had to submit to has really taken my pride down a few dials. And yet I am surprisingly grateful for my deployment to Iraq. Never, even if I lived in the worst living conditions the U.S. might have to offer, would I have been through the hardships and trials that I experienced out here and I can honestly say that I grew through all of it. No matter how hard I tried not to.

So I mentioned excuses last time and I thought I would touch on that a little. Interesting trait that a lot of otherwise hard working honest soldiers tend to pick up in the Army is how to come up with excuses because it's the only way to stay out of trouble because the military especially the Army is all about pointing a finger when something goes wrong. So a soldier has no choice but to explain why there are not enough supplies for a project or missions aren't executed exactly to plan. Well, crap happens but that is far from a good enough excuse. So quick talkers are promoted while the honest or bad liars are considered problems or hinderences to their leaders image. It's disheartening in a way. I mean I still believe in the Army and that it does more good than bad but it is hard to see soldiers, sergeants, officers and civilians take this same tactic and make it habit.

Although I see those who are rewarded for lying and making excuses I still stick to the things I was brought up to be. Come hell or high water(wink) I will never lower my character to simply get ahead. Life is long enough to take the dignified path. Maybe I am letting my scruples dictate too much of my career but I guess when it comes to my honor and faith I could give a flip. So here's to you sell outs out there kissing butts and taking names. May you be happy knowing that you achieved it by wrapping your lips around things you normally wouldn't.

SPC. Abbott

Six Month Summary

2009-05-29T03:56:00.000-07:00

Okay I have far too long neglected the purpose of this blog. At first it was for practical reasons ie; didn't have internet access, concern for operational security, chain of command involvement in the blogging process, etc. But if I boil all of these down, all that remains at the bottom of the pan is excuses. Which I will make another post about but first I am compelled to give a somewhat involved/simple summary of my deployment to Iraq thus far. Because I no longer fear operational security(because I know the ins and outs now) and I certainly no longer have concerns about attention from the chain of command(the stimulation of being in Iraq has worn down to a dull hum for most of them now instead of the high pitch scream it was initially).

I arrived in Kuwait in the month of November 2008 and it was hot! I couldn't belive it. How could anywhere in the world actually not be cold in November? We recieved training, was given time to acclimate and get over our jet lag. It was an intersting little stay. It is where all Army and Air Force filter through before moving on to Iraq or Afghanistan so there is a constant flux of movement in and out of the post we were at. We were only there for about three weeks and then we moved on to Mosul, Iraq.

The flight was a little crowded but luckily short even though we flew to the northern most american post in Iraq, Forward Operations Base (FOB) Marez. Once we arrived here I had a feeling of doom at the realization that this place will become all too familiar with a little less than a year left to go. We were assigned living quarters that resemble cargo containers on cargo ships although surprisingly comfortable. Got a roommate that I miraculously get along with really well. And then told to get to work.

As I mentioned before our chain of command, especially at the top, had felt an invigorated sensation from being in a theater of war. So we enlisted men felt the negative side of the excitement of our bosses. They had a lot to prove and only a year to do it. Every task felt like we were a chicken victimized by a bad decapitation. We still had a head but it was holding on by a remnant of tissue, which my own father found, can prolong the chicken's life that much longer thus causing that much more of an eradic animal whose nervous system is making a failed attempt at self preservation while also causing that much more of a mess of blood and noise. That was us.

The first three or so months were this way. Our bosses had only this one chance to prove their mettle as combat commanders when the action in Iraq was beginning to die down do to the succes of the troop surge. The troop surge gave the armed forces the shot in the leg it needed to finally break the insurgents attempts to manipulate the weaker people of Iraq. Most Iraqis don't give a flip about who is charge. They just want to be able to care for their own and be left alone. Who the frick doesn't share that exact same sentiment I ask you!! Well, the few ruthless, idealogical radicals do and they wish to capitalize on the victimizable state that a post war torn country tends to have. And with an american Combat Operations Post (COP, a small version of a FOB) in almost every major part of every city do to the troop surge, the bad guys didn't have anywhere left to hide so the only chance they had was to get out of the way and go live their lives instead of needlessly ending it.

I went on leave in February to Utah. It was fantastic and didn't have a moment wasted to neglect. I had fifteen days to live life like I wasn't ivolved in a war and you better believe I wasn't going to let any of it be used unwisely. Went on some sensational dates with the wife which by the way I must pay tribute the success of my entire R+R. She is more than a magical dream of a partner in life but she ensures me with everything that she does that I will be happy for the rest of eternity and I will always have to be on my A game to keep up with half of the things that she does for me and my children. I love my wife! Spent the best quality time I could with the kids and we all went to Disneyland for about five days. And it had to end...

I didn't want it to end but I felt something that drew me back to FOB Marez. I had become close to the guys of my platoon and they had been working harder because of my absence. At least that was my concern anyway whether or not it was true, although I didn't want to leave it was time to get back to work. When I got back I found that a lot had changed while I was gone. I had a new Platoon Sergeant and we were working on building a burm around the entire city of Mosul, Iraq. A burm is a mound of dirt that follows the perimeter of a given target. It's a cheap way of fortifying a position or a city in this intance, to stop insurgents from bringing large amounts of explosives into the city.

We are vertical engineers. That means we build UP. Building a burm is for horizantol engineers, dozers, bucket loaders and the like. So naturally we were a little daunted by the switch up, ironic since our battalion motto is "Never Daunted". I know now that our motto is a form of propaganda to keep soldiers from feeling that maybe they are being asked too much... We continued with the burm for some time until it was completed. It was fun actually. It meant leaving the city often to where the war hadn't taken such a toll and being in a relatively safer area. The irony was though that just as we were rapping up the last of our mission, my squad leader Sergeant Guyton was involved in a grenade attack that injured him. Not badly but enough for a trip home. A million dollar wound as some might say. And that, to this point is the only "casualty" we have suffered to this point. May we not have another...

Since then we have been doing every type of chore that an engineer can be expected to perform. Most of the other guys in the Company have been building SEA huts.

SEA huts are a simple frame and roof. Not the fanciest feat of condtruction but still good practice for practical carpentry and other construction disciplines. But our Platoon has been doing that while also putting up conctrete barriers to further fortify our defenses, laying down concrete pads for some of the most bizzare things, which I will post about another time, Rapid Crater Repair (RCR pronounced "ricker")and any other "hey you!" type jobs that our bosses can think of that might be needful for the "War on Terror, terror, terror,....".

Which leads me up to now. I am healthy, happy, and am more than half way done with all this "SHtuff". Sorry that this post was so long. whew...glad to get it all down on written script of some kind though. Heavan knows I don't keep a journal. God bless and I will be posting regularly now so check me out when you get bored. I promise I will compound your boredom even more. :)

pics and a video of corey

2009-03-14T22:12:00.000-07:00

So I know that everyone is wanting to see pics of the deployment. Corey has been super busy and super tired lately and he has a really slow connection right now. So I thought that I would just post a slide of some pics and a video to hold everyone over until Corey will be able to delete this and then do a much better job at making a post about everything.

Thank you everyone for your love and support during this time in our lives, we love you all.

See You Later...Wish Me Luck

2008-11-10T18:53:00.001-08:00

The time has finally come. I left home for Iraq today. I can’t tell all the specific details but as implied, my family is home and I am gone. I guess if you had told me that I was going to hold a weapon for the sake of this country and willingly leave my family for 12 months I would have told you you were crazy. As with most military members, I can mostly blame circumstance for where I am today. I joined the military for many reasons.

I had tried several different jobs before conceding to the unavoidable outcome of a military career. Sales, labor, white collar, blue collar. None of them seemed to sit well with me. I guess I felt selfish or greedy for upselling something that I had no faith in or being overpaid for tedious labor that would continue forever if I were to allow it. School was difficult for me. Abbott’s were not bred for scholarly lifestyles even though some of us have risen above that, I reverted back to my hereditary default and did not succeed as much as I had wanted to.

So here I am. A soldier in the United States Army. Funny how I didn’t plan for this to happen and yet I couldn’t be more proud of my choice. My grandchildren will be able to say that grandpa fought in Iraq. Either me or my children will receive an education because of my service. Most of all, I am doing something that really isn’t about me. It’s about my family and my country. How many people can say that about their job?! FEW!

This country was founded under God’s commision and I’m defending that. Even though this war isn’t necessarily what we bargained for it’s important that I do my part to finish the task and ensure the next guy has less work to do.

I love my wife, Bethany, and already miss her dearly. She has been incredibly strong these last few months. I know I can count on her to keep my family safe while I’m gone. I can only imagine all the different ways my kids will grow in my absence. I can only be assured that they will both continue to grow up strong in the gospel and in our Savior. I love you Teyton and Mckayla. I’ll try to post as often as possible. I will not be able to give times, dates, places, or anything else that might be considered OpSec. God bless.

Specialist Abbott

Promotees...Post!

2008-10-01T20:40:00.001-07:00

I was promoted today...Ironic if you put into account my last post. I'm now a Specialist in the U.S. Army. Two months earlier than I had anticipated but I'm not complaining.

It means a lot of things; I am now a little more accountable for my general conduct on a daily basis, I'm one step closer to becoming a Non-commissioned officer, and I got a significant raise. Perhaps the most important actually is the fact that someone felt that I have potential. That means to me that I can't prove their faith to be misplaced.

I don't know what it is about me but since I can remember, particularly in the military, I've always felt that when someone puts a little bit of trust in me I feel this nagging pull to perform. Today was a pleasent suprise.

Just Ranting I Guess

2008-09-21T09:39:00.000-07:00

I am trying to post as often as I can about my experiences in the Army but there just hasn't been a whole lot going on in my unit since we got back to Hawaii except for a lot of paper work required for preparation to leave for deployment. Man you wouldn't believe the mountains of paperwork involved. Even in this electronic age we still have to kill a tree or two per soldier in order to get them to Iraq. I think I read somewhere that even though we have the capability to store and send every piece of paper document that human kind has ever created on a single computer console, with a surety of security mind you, we still have increased our consumption of paper products in the last ten years or so. I probably have it all wrong but not all that hard to believe either I guess.

I'm going to earn my next promotion come this December. Whether or not I'll actually be given that rank will be determined but I have met all the criteria and my superiors like me enough to not have a reason not to give it to me so we'll see. I'll become a specialist. The highest rank you can become without being some kind of leader. although you are expected to have some influence over the lower ranks being a rank system and all but ultimately no real accountability for day to day tasks. So the next step will be sergeant. I have real mixed feelings about trying to obtain that one. The army engineer corp has quite the array of personalities but the predominant one is "construction" type. I'm not totally sure if that's the most accurate way to describe these guys but it's the easiest. Just imagine the difference between a desk job and working on a job site the different types of people you might be prone to work with. I love it! Having grown up around construction types my whole life, it's real easy to be myself.

Here's the thing though, these construction types eventually have to step up to the plate and become NCOs and higher ranking NCOs leaders. Whether they are ready for it or whether they like or not. Thanks to this War almost every individual who actually had talent and leadership capabilities figured out real quick that there's greener grass else where. Be that in another career field in the Military or in the civilian sector. So that leaves the ones that are still here. I can't say that they are all that way because there are good leaders still left behind and they are the ones picking up the slack for their peers incompetence. Enter me, I already see how much slack I'm having to pick up for the NCOs appointed over me. I can only imagine how much more work that would involve earning sergeant on top of having souls that I am personally accountable for, while in Iraq or elsewhere.

On the other hand I know that I have the talent and ability to lead a ragtag group of guys. Keep them out of trouble and lead them at least to some degree of success. I just don't know if my emotional, physical, mental, and even a little bit spiritual investment into it would be worth it. I mean I don't even know for sure yet if the Military is what I want to do to myself and my family for the next seventeen years.

Like my post title says, I'm ranting and I find that blogs are pretty good for that. Just read my buddy Blair's blog and you'll know what I'm talking about. Very soothing I find to dump your mind in word format and not feel like you're talking some one's ear off.

er. The Muppets!

Nothing in Particular

2008-09-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

Time at NTC

2008-09-03T15:04:00.001-07:00

Not a whole lot is coming to mind as to what I would like to convey as far as what caption I would like to put for these new pictures but let it be enough to know I look freakin' sexy.

This one however is not one of my best days there. I started the day with an achy feeling in both body and mind. You see, I hate the heat...passionately(ironic that I willingly joined knowing fully where I would be going)? Well while my body was acclimating to this horrid heat I guess I was suffering from a migraine. I toughed it out but had reached my wits end with the frickin' heat so the only additional comfort I could give myself was as little amount of insulation as possible. So this is what happened. Funny enough my migraine finally stopped just as I was finishing up the last of my hair...Bethany said it was sexy but as long as she is around I can't do that again. I'll being doing this do in Iraq only I guess.

Some other days were less productive but that doesn't matter. Such is life. I was able to some fun and that counts for something right?

I'm back...for now

2008-08-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

I have returned from my training at NTC just half a day ago and I haven't been able to update anything for a month and I'm sick of looking at the same posts. I'm going to write about my experiences as if they are happening now so I can draw out my time until I actually deploy in later this year.

I currently have mixed feelings about how well the training went but then again I have to remind myself that I signed up with the full knowledge that all I would be is a grunt in the Army so in that case I guess it went alright...a lot of sitting around pretending to be busy though.

I will be posting more about the details as I come closer to leaving for the full deployment. Anyway, NTC is designed for infantry and artillery types to get really high intensity training on everything they will encounter in Iraq and the surrounding countries if it ever needs be. NTC is located Death Valley(not just a clever name) and actually simulates to a T the living conditions of laboring and working in probably the worst, most unforgiving ecosystem in the world. We're talking everything from convoys, vehicle check points, clearing entire buildings(built to scale and looks exactly like a home from that region), to simply trying to deal with the daily stresses of living in such a place.

We were ordered to not take pictures of any of the operations we participated in so I'm sorry to say I don't have many pictures of things except for when we were on our down time(which was actually very seldom). 30 days of training and now back home and only 75 left give or take until I leave so I can honestly say that I am better prepared for come what may except for the largest cost of all; my time away from my family. But like I said, I knew what I was getting into and am still proud of it. I only wish that my unit would have been able to benefit more from the training available at Fort Irwin.

Like I said NTC was deigned for infantry and ordinance types so we being engineers don't really have a lot to do with clearing houses or anything tactically offensive. If we're involved with fire fights it's purely in a defensive position...That narrows our training options at NTC significantly. Hence my mixed feelings. We could only focus our training on the realism of the convoy environment they had there, otherwise we were pretty much left to our own devices to come up with our own methods of utilizing the environment for our betterment as soldiers for the upcoming deployment. Not always successful, again contributing to my mixed feelings. What can you expect? We were the first "support" type unit to arrive at NTC in a long time so they were hard pressed to come up with stuff to train us with but they did okay. In my own opinion, NTC is probably now more knowledgeable and better equipped for other "support" types to take part in the-closest-to-the-real-thing kind of training you can possibly hope for because of us. So ultimately I am more than content with the whole experience...........but if I was asked to go again to spend time away from my family lets just say I won't be the first guy to stand with his hand raised in the air.

Questions? Please post a comment and I'll respond.

Full Battle Rattle

2008-07-22T13:20:00.000-07:00

I will be leaving my family on the 31st to go to California for a month for desert training. I'm excited/not excited to go. It's going to be interesting to see what the Army has in store as far as simulating the middle east terrain in the mojave desert. I never look forward to leaving my family behind though.

I've been packing my gear too make sure that I have everything that is necessary for the small mission that we're on. They call this training NTC. National Training Center. We'll be doing things like convoy training, mock buildings that we'll be doing over there, and simulating the overall atmosphere of deployment.

I'll be home the last week of August and then it's nothing but preperation for the next three months in order to go to Iraq. I'll keep posting as much as I can about my experiences.

My Job

2008-07-17T18:42:00.000-07:00

As I've said I'm in the Army. Currently attached to the 643rd Engineering company. A fine little unit. It's full of construction type soldiers: plumbers, electricians, and carpenters. I love being in the Army. Although the lifestyle is arduous and frustrating sometimes, I know this is where I'm supposed to be. I know it's incredibly popular to speak out against our countries efforts "over there". I'm not afraid to say that although the original justifications we had at first are now proven false I know that everything that has occurred since then have only improved the outlook for the future in that region for a better life for those there.

As surprising as it may be I am a NPR listener. Hawai'i's full of liberals hence NPR's success. One of the stories though was surprisingly optimistic about the U.S.'s efforts in Iraq. We're teaching the pour souls who were once tricked into believing the extremist ideal how to READ! That's right the sunni shi'ite militants that were once our biggest problem in Iraq are now the largest benefitters: AN EDUCATION! NPR said that 65% of Iraq population are illiterate, most of them male. These men between the age of 20 and 35 are actually gaining life necessities that they would not have possibly been given under the prior dictatorship...and now because these men will have their own capability of understanding and questioning/challenging the radical clerics who pray on the ignorant and illitirate, the future will be less frightful for the next generation. Specifically theirs. Just another proof to me as to why the work going on there is NOT in vain. I will emphasisyze that I know the reasons we went in were wrong BUT to leave hastily WILL be detrimental to all that our soldiers, the Iraqis, and the U.S. has sacrificed in the name of doing what is right.

I love the military and I love that it's provided every citizen the chance to critize whomever, whenever. But in that same breath the media doesn't use that right responsibly anymore. I know from personal accounts from those who actually go over there and see with their own eyes, instead of listening to the money grubbing media machine, that more good things than bad are happening there. God bless America and God bless every person who risks their lives "over there". I'm sure we all hope it ends as soon as possible.

I'm giving this a go!

2008-07-15T21:32:00.000-07:00

My beautiful wife, Bethany, has been playing on this stuff for a while now and the work she does only compels me to feel that need to participate....It looks like fun anyway!

My name is Corey Jesse Abbott. My first name is my father's middle name, my middle name belongs to my grandfather: Arthur Jesse Abbott.

This is my family crest. The latin tanslates to "A friend of God and my fellow man." I think. If anyone knows what the deal is with the pears, that would be awesome.

Born in Ogden, UT lived in Layton for the rest of it until Oct. 2005. Served a mission in the philippines. Kaya meron akong salita ng tagalog sa blogg ko. Joined the military some time ago and it has brought me to some very illustrious places like Biloxi Mississippi (sarcasm) just after hurricane Katrina destroyed EVERYTHING. Great chance to help clean up though. Altus "po-dunk" Oklahoma (again sarcasm). Middle of nowehere but the nicest americans, make that people, down there. Any Sooner can come up to you and pick up conversation with you as if you're long lost freinds. Better even sometimes. Took a lot of getting used to. I miss it though because the Army has brought me to hawaii! (not sarcasm, it really is awesome here.) I can't give it justice just yet though since my family and I just got here and are still settling in.

I'm 26 now.....hm.... I have a beautiful wife who is the foundation of everything that I am...everything! And continues to stay with me no matter how much she learns about me. Makes me feel like the luckiest guy. I also have one gorgeous daughter and one incredible son. My cup runneth over.

I'm goin to make this a blogg mostly about my upcoming deployment to Iraq. My dedication to this country and it's military. My gratitude to God for everything I have been given and every oppurtunity I experience.